Eight months down and a lot more to go but your girl is finally feeling confident in this law school thing! I've been fighting with imposter syndrome since day one but I can finally say I feel like I belong. I have had some great experiences when it comes to my legal education and the opportunities awarded to me thus far.
I recently was invited to Kansas City as a Shook Scholar for the law firm Shook, Hardy, and Bacon. As I said earlier I have been battling with imposter syndrome and typically in spaces like these I would feel inferior as a readmit HBCU student, but not this time. I felt like I belonged and so many people affirmed it!
The day started off rocky as my flights were delayed and I missed the first day of events but once I arrived in Kansas City everyone embraced me and everything was okay. I have never actually experienced a corporate law firm atmosphere so this was all eye opening to me.
The most rewarding parts of the program for me were the trial practice, mock interviews, and in-house counsel panel. I learned so much about what I can do with a law degree. Additionally, the in-house panel was about diversity in the law profession and I was able to talk with minority women in the field on how they do this! One of the attorney's that I spoke to after the panel told me about a time when she was told to talk last in meetings. We had a candid conversation about being black and a women in this field. Trust me it is not for the weak!
But it's stories like this, that I need to hear. So I can learn what I will and will not take in this world. So I won't go out into the field being naive. To learn how I will win in this white male dominated culture, because right now if you tell me to speak last, I'm going to knock all that shit over!!! I talked to another attorney about feeling the weight of wanting to be the savior for your whole family and how to navigate choosing you first at all times. I also learned in the mock interviews how to tell my previous law school story in a way that highlights my skills and experience from that failure as an asset. And from the words of a senior partner, "If it doesn't come up, oh well."
There was one particular conversation that really stole the week for me. In one of my mock interviews I was with one of the white male attorneys and I was nervous because, as I said, until recently I haven't taken many opportunities that take me out of my comfort zone. Anywho I rocked it and did amazing and afterwards doing my feedback he said,
"Are you planning to be a litigator." Being me I tried to downplay myself and I was stumbling saying 'well I don't know if it's right for me, I'm just exploring.' He then goes on to say, "No, you're going to be a litigator. When you talk to some people and observe and experience some people you can just tell its them. They have the skill and it's you. It's in you. You need to be a litigator."
That made me see the world so differently. I have always had big dreams and I see myself being corporate lawyer but I battle with not losing myself and my passion for civil rights. I also battle with truly seeing me in that space. Truly branching out and taking opportunities at law firms, with people outside of my race, etc. I needed to hear those words. I needed to see that I am capable and skilled. There is no limit to who I can be when it comes to my goals.
So now I am vowing to stop holding myself into a bubble of what I think my interests are and let the law do its thing. One thing I learned in Kansas City is that law is flexible and I can do everything I want to do. So that means I can still be passionate about civil rights and radically changing the lives of black people while going to get a bag! When I say I am tired of being broke. Most of the other students I was with are going to some BIG BOY SALARY INTERNSHIPS this summer and I'm like yeaaahhh I'll be getting a stipend. Like girl no!
I have the same grades and the same intelligence that they have. I have just been too scared to take opportunities and try something new.
So they rest of my law school career is about to look much different and I am excited!
Mood: Material Girl - Saucy Santana
Check out my Kansas City Vlog on Youtube!